I don't mind this Christmas thing. I've had two of them now and I worked the second one better than the first.
Sort of timed my run, you might say, while the people were all busy sucking up food on the table.
I could see it all coming a few days back, when The Boss unloaded a ham and a big lump of something fishy out of the back of the car. Then the young missus turned up with the Fur-Child, followed by her brothers, wives and the kidlets.
You never quite know how this sort of gathering might turn out for a dog; when they're all having a good time, Queenie and I can get thrown out and forgotten. Other times, some of them might bother to entertain us.
Last year I got thrown out because I joined in the excitement and barked a lot, knocked one of the kidlets over and jumped into the pool, which The Boss doesn't approve of. So I learned something from that.
This time I just followed Queenie, mooching around quietly, which seems to work a lot better - you pick up a few scraps here and there and it means you can pounce when the opportunity is right.
The Boss was flat out all morning on Christmas Day and I kept my distance; he had been curing his salmon for a couple of days and was sweating away baking his ham in 38 degree heat - not sure why he does that, to be honest.
But he seemed in a good mood when it all came together and he produced a sparkling shiraz, chilled out of the fridge, which the young missus likes - although I didn't see him holding back either.
They were all distracted for a while, which is when I managed to nudge the bin over and get amongst the ham off-cuts, so I had a big head start before the scraps. And there were lots of scraps.
I'm pleased to report that the scraps happened before The Boss discovered the bin on its side - he's not that smart, I reckon, but he can work things out if you give him time and I was bracing for a whack, or a dressing-down - but he just shook his head and told me I was a bad dog.
I wag my tail whenever he says that, just to confuse him. I mean, the best thing for a dog is to never let a chance by, then plead forgiveness afterwards.
Anyway, I had to go have a lie-down after that. Not that this habit is reserved for dogs - I notice The Boss likes to slip away and do the same thing, when nobody is looking. Woof.