Inauguration: a great start for all dogs

By The General on January 23, 2017
  • Inauguration: a great start for all dogs

    Most of The Donald's fans were home, playing with their dogs...

So the Donald is in the chair! This is a triumph for all Chessies, who work best with an Alpha-male owner who takes no prisoners.

The Boss was looking edgy during the inauguration speech but I thought The Donald was terrific. He talked about carnage - and I love carnage. Carnage usually means blood and guts and something good to eat. 

Then he talked about giving the country back to the people. He forget to add in dogs, but it was just an oversight. The people who love the Donald also love dogs, which is why they weren't at the Inauguration. They were looking after their dogs, which is much more important.

And all their dogs would have been watching their hero, like me. The Donald is our kind of guy and we can help him with a few pointers from the dog world. Here are a few:

1. Live in the moment. This is the first rule and The Donald understands this perfectly.   The past is gone and there's no such thing as "the future." I mean, tell me when you arrive at the future? All a dog does is make the best of the next succeeding moment. 

That's all there is to deal with, and that's why The Donald says what's in his head at this very second. He doesn't bother reading history books and he doesn't think the future is a scary place - its his playground and, if it gets a bit messy, he'll find another one.

2. Improvise. This is related to 1. If there's nothing obvious to play with you have to invent it. You tear a pair of undies from the clothesline, rip up a petunia or dig a hole. The Boss reckons the Donald will dig a hole for himself but in the meantime he's inventing new fights with China, Germany, NATO and North Korea. This is fun to watch. He's a genius at inventing the past, too, if the current version doesn't suit him.

3. When you get caught red-handed, deny it. This is a rule that all dogs understand. You're going to get caught now and then so you have to act like nothing happened and it doesn't matter anyway. The Boss will get over it. When he grabs your face and looks you in the eye saying "bad dog," you just have to wag your tail and look gorgeous. The Donald knows this rule instinctively. I love that hair of his.

4. Be spontaneous. This is why our owners love us - we are joy personified. We don't plan anything or worry about stepping on toes - with enough exuberant enthusiasm, you get away with a lot. The Donald understand this too. An exciting new idea pops into his head and he gives it a run. Make America great again. Who could argue with that? You can't measure it, or tell if its happened, but it sounds wonderful.

5. Divide and conquer. A smart dog know that, if you want to get more than your share, you need to stir up the other dogs and get them scrapping with each other. Then, while they're all distracted, you take what you want, go where you want and eat as much as you want. The Boss says the Donald should be uniting the country rather than dividing it but he's on the wrong track here - The Donald knows what he's doing.

6. Life is not serious. Some dogs have a hard life and lots of bad things happen, but it's not serious. There's no point being gloomy about the bad stuff. The first rule of life, as any dog knows, is to have the best possible time - The Donald is at one with me on that.  He's having the time of his life - no-one can believe it, but there he is - thumbing his nose at all and sundry and doing it his way. It's all a bit of a joke for him because he hasn't got much of a plan and doesn't care either. Just like me.

7. You don't bite the hand that feeds you. You might think me a wimp but I don't plan to bite The Boss.  Or my Mum, Queenie, for that matter  - even though she feels quite free to nip me on the ear. The thing is, you can burn a few bridges and get away with it by wagging your tale - they'll forgive you a few mistakes and forget pesky behaviour - but people don't forget a bite that hurts. 

This is the bit The Donald might need my help with - he's burnt a few bridges and wagged his tail at the CIA, but they might think he bit them. And if he can't keep his promises to bring back the jobs and build a wall and drain the swamp, it could all turn pear-shaped. But as The Donald likes to say, "I won!" Woof.

By The General on January 23, 2017

Dummy text