One of The Boss's mates, who appreciates my innate intelligence more the The Boss does, sent through some exciting news about a gadget that will finally allow me to have my say.
It's called No More Woof, invented by those clever Norwegians. I can wear this thing like a fighter pilot and it converts my thinking into human words - in Mandarin or French as well as English.
This will allow me to address the UN when I'm older. And they wear this sort of stuff at the UN:
The Vikings say its still a work in progress but they're selling it on the Internet and I think The Boss needs to get me one without a minute's delay.
What the Vikings discovered - and I could have told them this - is that a dog doesn't have random, human-style chatter cluttering up his mind. He is more in a state of being, like a Buddhist monk, or a Yogi. This is what they say:It is worth pointing out that dogs "think" in a different way than humans. Whereas the dog's brain signals might indicate hunger, that does of course not really mean the dog is "thinking" that, it's rather more a mental state than a "thought" although the difference between these two things is actually an interesting philosophical question, for those who are into these things.
I am certainly into these things, as you might recall from my insightful piece on my frequent state of Enlightenment, but The Boss isn't. He just looks at me blankly, as though my thinking is unfathomable. He has been known to disrespectfully describe me as "a Forty-Watter," which the Missus had to explain to me means "not too bright."
Whereas I actually know what he's thinking before he does himself. I can feel it. If only he was half so smart. I know when he's driving home, I know when he's waking up, I know when he's thinking about feeding me. I know these things.
One of these gadgets would be very helpful for him - when my eyes are fixed on his every move, he would get the message that my mental state is one of hunger, so I wouldn't have to hang around waiting so long. And this is my mental state most of the time.
The Vikings reckon No More Woof can decipher all the important messages, like "I'm starving," "I'm tired," "I want a run," "Throw me a ball," "A second helping please," that sort of thing.
The next step is this App for The Boss's phone, so he can see what I want, and how I am feeling, every minute of the day. He might then be roughly my equal. If the Vikings do the job properly, every time I want something I'll only need to think it and his phone will burst into life - with a loud Woof!