The Boss was giving me a lecture the other day on the importance of telling the truth - and it seemed a bit self-serving to me.
There happened to be an empty bag of chicken wings lying on what we hounds call "the dog food bench" in the garage, and therefore a place available for browsing.
"Did you clean this whole bag up, General?" he demanded in an accusatory tone.
Why would he ever assume it was me? There's lots of other dogs, birds, rats, humans and wallabies that could do such a thing - although there were none in the immediate vicinity, now I think of it, unfortunately.
But that didn't stop me. A long time ago - three or four months back - the Golden Leave-it-There told me I should deny everything, as a standard response. That's what you do, he said, when you're in trouble. If they didn't see you do it, they can't be sure enough to punish you. He said that approach had served him well.
So I wagged my tail and wiped my wet nose on The Boss's suit trousers, which always unsettles his thinking. He looked at me sternly and said a dog needed to tell the truth, like a human - particularly when he gets get old, because there's no point being a liar and having a poor memory.
Besides, The Boss had left the bag there himself, after he fed me. Now, he probably didn't mean to do that - but you never know, do you? So when I found it there I naturally figured he had left the whole bag there, on the bench, as a special treat for me. Right? So I demolished it.
The Leave-it-There said it was The Boss's fault anyway. And while you might take the credit for something good, you always share the blame for something bad.
Besides, he said, "You're a greedy guts. Were from the day you were born. You're not going to change. The Boss knows that - it's in your disgusting nature and it won't change. Ever. He knows that and it's his fault to expect you to do something differently."
These were very encouraging words from the Golden, and it brings me to my real hero, The Donald.
I'm still waiting for the call to the White House - The Donald hasn't appointed a chief dog yet and he's going to need me if this new feller, Kelly (another General, like me, but one who can't run so fast) doesn't work out.
The Boss said he's heard The Donald's agricultural department has just banned the term "climate change." I like that. Just deny it. Create your own reality.
You gotta love a man who's thinking he can pardon himself when he's done something wrong. It's exactly the way I like to live. Woof.